In Security

Insecurity. Sometimes you just have a situation thats extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes you just don't know what to say to people. Sometimes you aren't sure what people will think of you. It's a tough place to be. Especially if you're in a new environment or a new place. Everyone handles it differently. Some people get extremely shy. Some people get violent and mean. And if you're like me, you just turn your insecurity into an exact opposite, casting away all care of what other people think. For me, that's usually the case. I'm already a nutball, but if I'm in an awkward or uncomfotable situation, I just let go of my self-control completely. The thing is that the majority of times I feel insecure it's for no real reason at all. I usually just go kinda insane to hide away any emotion I may be feeling. In one way this can completely fix a problem for me, being comfortable in myself helps me to meet new people, and get past awkwardness, but in another way, I can put people off completely because they have a bad impression of me, maybe my craziness can come off as cocky.  Sometimes I have days when I don't think anyone really likes me. Somedays I don't feel that at all. I wish I could just fit the two sides of me together and never have to worry about it. I would say, atleast compared to most people, I'm pretty comfortable with myself. But even I have days when I feel like an idiot for saying something ridiculous, or being too "out there" around total strangers. Everyone has sides to them. Mine are all similiar. All of mine are the same guy, one is totally comfortable and will do just about anything without caring how dumb he looks , and one does the same things but cares far more what others think, and then there's the more serious poetic side of me that I'm probably using now. Once a perfect blend is found, you can start to see exactly who you are as a whole. I hope I get there soon. -Evan